a love letter

Getting older is scary but the right people can make the growing pains hurt a little less- sometimes a lot less. I wanted to write this little piece as a thank you to all the people who have undoubtedly made this process of growing up much easier. I’ve mentioned that before I started university this September I took a gap year, and to some extent, I don’t recognise the person I was before. I promise this is not going to be a soppy letter about how I found myself through yoga retreats and a ski season, this piece is dedicated to the people that were in my life during this time. I truly hope these people know who they are because writing something for every individual could go on for a VERY long time, instead, I wanted to talk about the impact they’ve had on my life and our friendships.

Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. This post isn’t exactly the most well-thought-out one I’ve written, but I wanted to attempt it nevertheless. I grew up in London with only my parents for family except when I would fly to Malta to see my mum’s side or drive down to Wales to see my dad’s. Swansea is a 3 hour drive, and Malta a 3 hour flight, so while not far to travel to spend time with loved ones it still wasn’t the norm for my parents and I to be driving or flying down every weekend. It also didn’t change the fact that my parents and I were the only ones here when I have massive families in Wales and Malta who all grew up together. So much family I don’t know how we’re all related. Not because I don’t care, just because sometimes I see them only once a year while they’re all able to casually drop by one another’s houses. There is no particular idea about family I was raised with, but I very quickly came to my own conclusion that blood is in fact not thicker than water.

Don’t get me wrong, I adore my family. But them being back home and all together didn’t mean I had to feel alone in London, one of the most vibrant and creative cities in the world. It simply meant I had opportunities to find another family of my own. Truthfully, until I left school I didn’t realise how much I cherished being surrounded by my friends everyday. Graduating from sixth form invoked a sudden, overnight change of having to learn to nurture friendships when you’re not constantly in each other’s company. It’s not always easy when at this time you’re all figuring out what you want to do, who you want to be and stressing about the change going on around you. When I was a kid, for some reason, I really couldn’t wait to grow up. To the point that I would dream about all those ‘fun’ grown-up things like grocery shopping for my own home, after-work drinks with colleagues, popping to the bank or dry-cleaners, going on first dates, lunches with friends you haven’t seen for a while and, for some reason, WORKING. I did however reach a point where I would despise my younger self for wanting the process of growing up to be expedited, because when it started to happen I longed for nothing more than to be a kid again. This feeling of wanting to grow back down would result in tears, bursts of anger and terrible decision making, but now some of those uninspired, boring adult-y things can actually be fun when with the right people. Especially since now that I’m no longer in mandatory education, sometimes the people I meet are in different stages of life compared to me or have chosen to do things entirely different to the way I was taught. It means we not only have so much to bond and laugh over but also so much we don’t necessarily have in common, but we still enjoy listening to each other about it. Meeting these incredible people has undoubtedly opened my mind and made me much more relaxed and hopeful in regards to the “growing up” and “getting on with your life” thing. They are wonderful, the most alive, caring people I’ve met and getting to know and spending time with them is something I love.

The unintentional reunion a friend and I have every six months at the same pub because we realise we’re too lazy to leave our neighbourhood; eating somewhat decent pizza with my friends from work until dawn after closing the restaurant; literally dancing until my feet hurt at places I don’t remember the name of; or the unexpected memories that happen when plans go awry abroad are just a few of the moments that come to mind when I think of fond memories with friends. But it’s the ‘little’ things too. Exploring new places is great but sometimes coming back is fun too. Especially when they’re dear friends coming home. Those long catch-ups over coffee, dinner, a glass or two of wine, shopping or any other kind of activity can be the best times, because it means hours and hours listening to the stories you or your friends come back with, and you get to share and gush over the fun times together. I am the biggest advocate of never being afraid to try something new just because you’re trying it alone, but sharing new experiences with friends can be a different kind of fun. I think it’s incredibly important to have friends who get you out of your comfort zone and may have different interests, or at least willing to try new activities with you. Sometimes the best times with friends have been spontaneous or when we’re doing something for the first time: like when my friends and I tried surfing; recruited as many people we could from the staff-summer-picnic to go to karaoke afterwards; stayed up till 4 in the morning to learn and play the game ‘bullshit’; or stumbled across a live jazz bar with my new friends from uni. What’s great about friendships though is that you don’t always have to be doing something to enjoy each other’s company. Two of my best friends from sixth form and I are across the UK for university so now every Sunday we send a photo roundup of our week in our group chat, and it makes all the difference especially if we haven’t had the time to call. Or that one of my best friends who lives less than a 10 minute walk away from me is pretty much always willing to accompany me on mundane errands, sometimes in a friendly silence, is something I never stop appreciating.

I am forever grateful for the friends I’ve made and adore whatever time I get to spend with them. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have had the confidence to try new things I now love had it not been for the friends I met this past year and wouldn’t be the person I am now without the extraordinary people letting me make mistakes and helping me along the way. I do apologise for this extremely rambling post but with all this change recently, I just wanted to thank the constants <3.