alone or lonely?
Dear Readers, September has begun and autumn is officially here. For some reason, September always feels like more of a fresh start than the New Year. I guess because it symbolises the start of a new school year. Which for me this year, is the start of attending university for the first time! As of the 30th September my classes begin, so today, and for the past week, I’ve been attending enrolment and induction days to get acclimated to the new start.
Don’t get me wrong, I am unbelievably excited to start my degree and getting back into a school routine but it’s also been a really scary time. Panicking about whether I’ll be able to meet people because I’m not living in student accommodation or that I won’t adjust to studying at a higher education level and too many other fears. But truthfully what I’m most scared of is being lonely. As mentioned, I’m not staying in student accommodation so I won’t have the full ‘uni experience’ and won’t be spending as much time with people outside the academic environment. Of course there are other ways to meet people whether it’s Freshers events, during classes, induction days…etc. but it’s soooo daunting putting yourself out there to introduce yourself to new people.
What I do need to accept is that university is going to be nothing like secondary school or even sixth form, it’s even more so about independence, being entirely responsible for your own studying and assignments outside of lectures, meaning it will be a place you spend a lot of time alone. But being alone doesn’t have to equal being lonely. University is not the only place where as you grow up you learn to spend time alone. In general growing up means learning to be okay on your own. Because as you’re growing up, so is everyone around you and beginning to lead their own life. I’ve always been an independent person but didn’t realise until I left sixth form how much I valued constantly being around people my own age at the same stage in life. It’s comforting and reassuring knowing everyone is in the same boat as you, but once A-Levels were over, it seemed overnight we were all doing our own thing.
I personally love doing stuff on my own. From the small things like running errands or attending dance classes, I love spending time alone. Sometimes it’s more productive, relaxing and it’s important to learn to be okay by yourself. While it can be upsetting and uncomfortable being in places where everyone else seems to be part of a group or with a loved one while you’re on your own, in reality, who cares? While you’re preoccupied that people are judging you, simultaneously everyone else is thinking the same thing about themselves so actually no one is judging anyone. Spending time alone doesn’t erase all the amazing quality time you’ve spent with friends or family and doesn’t erase their love for you even when you’re not together. Being alone just means you’re doing stuff for you, whether it be work or pampering yourself.
Learning to cope with being alone vs loneliness is hard as sometimes the two feelings blend together. Loneliness is a difficult feeling to deal with and can make you spiral about who you are, the people in your life but it’s important to remember that the feeling is temporary. As a society we are constantly surrounded by people which means you’re never truly lonely, and while you may not know all these people, we’re all living and working together, sometimes also experiencing the same emotions. Everyone has at some point felt entirely alone in a crowded place but it’s important to remind yourself you are loved, even if from far away. Being alone never has to mean you’re lonely.
