alone or lonely?
Dear Readers, September has begun and autumn is officially here.
For some reason, September always feels like more of a fresh start than the New Year. I guess because it symbolises the start of a new school year. Which for me in 2024, is attending university for the first time! As of the 30th September my classes begin, so today, and for the past week, I’ve been attending enrolment and induction days to get acclimated to the new start.
I am unbelievably excited to start my degree and to get back into a school routine but it’s also been a really scary time. A lot of panicking about whether I’ll be able to meet people because I’m not living in student accommodation or that I won’t adjust to studying at a higher education level and too many other fears. But truthfully what I’m most scared of is being lonely. As stated, I’m not staying in student accommodation so supposedly I won’t have the full “uni experience”. Of course there are other ways to meet people, whether it’s Freshers events, societies, induction days…etc., but it can be incredibly daunting putting yourself out there. That sentiment can offer a striking resemblance to feeling as if you’ve been put on display for people to pry and investigate, to judge every word that escapes your nervous lips.
What I need to accept, is that university is going to be nothing like secondary school or sixth form, it’s even more so about independence. You are entirely responsible for your own studying and assignments outside of lectures, meaning it will be a place you undoubtedly spend a lot of time alone. But being alone doesn’t have to equal being lonely. In general getting older means learning to be okay on your own. Because as you’re growing up, so is everyone else and beginning to lead their own life. I’ve always been an independent person but until I left sixth form I didn’t know how much I valued constantly being around people my own age and at the same stage in life. It’s comforting and reassuring knowing everyone is in the same boat as you, but once A-Levels were over, it seemed overnight we were all doing our own thing.
I personally love doing stuff on my own. From small things like running errands or attending dance classes, to scarier ones like travelling alone, I love it. Sometimes it’s more productive and relaxing, plus it’s important to be okay by yourself. It can be uncomfortable being in places alone while everyone else seems to be part of a group or with a loved one, but in reality, who cares? While you’re preoccupied that people are judging you, simultaneously everyone else is thinking the same thing about themselves. Spending time alone doesn’t erase all the quality time you’ve ever spent with friends or family and doesn’t erase their love for you even when you’re not together. Being alone just means you’re doing stuff for you, whether it’s work or pampering.
Learning to deal with loneliness vs being alone is hard because sometimes the two feelings blend together. Loneliness is a difficult feeling to cope with and can make you spiral about who you are and the people in your life but it’s important to remember that the feeling doesn’t have to be permanent. As a society we are constantly surrounded by people. While you may have no clue who these people are, it still means you are never truly lonely. We’re all living together and sometimes experiencing the same emotions. Everyone has at some point felt entirely alone in a crowded place but it’s important to remind yourself you are loved, even if from far away. Being alone never has to mean you’re lonely.
